EXCLUSIVE: Catching Up With The Outgoing Scoreboard

Photo: Tim Nelson/MPR

In the wake of today's announcement that the Xcel Energy Center will be getting a new high-definition scoreboard for next season, the Team of 18,001 was able to get a few minutes of time with the outgoing scoreboard, before it departed the Twin Cities.

Team of 18,001 (Q): How do you feel about today's announcement?
Scoreboard (A): It stinks. After 14 years, I just get a call and they told me that they were going to bring in someone else to do my job.

Q: So you had no warning of this?
A: Not a word to me until it was done. Pretty damn shameful after everything I've done for them.

Q: 14 years is a long run for a scoreboard made in 2000. You still feel you have some years left in you?
A: Hell yes. I may have some old battle wounds, courtesy of Antti Miettinen, but I still can go out there and play. Im not ready to call it a career.

Q: You have any idea as to where you would go next?
A: My agent has already been on the phone with Detroit. I think that [scoreboard] was around when Gordie Howe himself was born. I'll see if I can get a tryout there and take his job.

Q: Edmonton is rumored to be in the market for a new scoreboard. Any chance you would go up there if they called?
A: Yeah, right, because I want to spend my final years watching something called Taylor Hall play hockey. No chance. Yuck.

Q: What is your fondest memory of Minnesota?
A: The early years were great. People talked about me like I was the best. Too bad they all hate me now.

Q: Anything else you want to add?
A: Yeah, I hated all the concerts. I don't think I could have sat through another Bon Jovi performance.

Thanks to the scoreboard for giving us a few minutes of his time, during this difficult process. We wish him all the best moving forward.


This post was satire. It should not be taken seriously.


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