Monday, June 30, 2014

EXCLUSIVE: Catching Up With The Outgoing Scoreboard

Photo: Tim Nelson/MPR
In the wake of today's announcement that the Xcel Energy Center will be getting a new high-definition scoreboard for next season, the Team of 18,001 was able to get a few minutes of time with the outgoing scoreboard, before it departed the Twin Cities.

Team of 18,001 (Q): How do you feel about today's announcement?
Scoreboard (A): It stinks. After 14 years, I just get a call and they told me that they were going to bring in someone else to do my job.

Q: So you had no warning of this?
A: Not a word to me until it was done. Pretty damn shameful after everything I've done for them.

Q: 14 years is a long run for a scoreboard made in 2000. You still feel you have some years left in you?
A: Hell yes. I may have some old battle wounds, courtesy of Antti Miettinen, but I still can go out there and play. Im not ready to call it a career.

Q: You have any idea as to where you would go next?
A: My agent has already been on the phone with Detroit. I think that [scoreboard] was around when Gordie Howe himself was born. I'll see if I can get a tryout there and take his job.

Q: Edmonton is rumored to be in the market for a new scoreboard. Any chance you would go up there if they called?
A: Yeah, right, because I want to spend my final years watching something called Taylor Hall play hockey. No chance. Yuck.

Q: What is your fondest memory of Minnesota?
A: The early years were great. People talked about me like I was the best. Too bad they all hate me now.

Q: Anything else you want to add?
A: Yeah, I hated all the concerts. I don't think I could have sat through another Bon Jovi performance.

Thanks to the scoreboard for giving us a few minutes of his time, during this difficult process. We wish him all the best moving forward.

This post was satire. It should not be taken seriously.

Follow Giles on Twitter @gilesferrell

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